The past two in a half weeks I have learned a lot about myself. What I have learned is that I am where I am at in my healing journey. That I have been an advocate for myself. I have spoken my truth and stood up for myself when I have needed to. I have learned that there are somethings that will take me right back to that dark place. I learned that there are triggers that I can avoid and some that I can not.
It is a process of putting one foot in front of the other. I am continuing to move forward in my healing journey. I know when to reach out for help. I know when to retreat back into myself. I am learning that allowing myself to cry is very healing for me. I have learned that I have every right to be angry. I am grieving many losses that the six men that raped me took away from me and this is a process. Complex PTSD is not an easy thing to live with or deal with. Every day, I have to do what I need to do to take care of myself.
I can not expect everything to be perfect. I can not expect myself to be totally healed with everything that I have been through. It’s normal for me to push people away and not want any one to see me like this. It’s normal for me to have had the response that I have had. It’s normal for me to want to reach out and get more help. I can not do this alone. No one should have to take this journey alone.
So I continue on this healing journey and I am still getting my feet back under me.