Since last Monday, it has been a constant fight to get care from the VA. I have been in PTSD since the pelvic exam. I tried my best to prevent this from happening. So this past week, I have been on the telephone with them fighting for care. I have talked to MST corodinator. I have talked to suicide prevention officer. I have talked to someone in the Directors office. I have talked to several treatment facilities that specialize in PTSD that are no way connected to the VA.
I found out that treatment facilities cost 38,500 to 58,000 for inpatient treatment for PTSD and that these facilities are making a profit off of people being raped and having PTSD. That did not sit well with me. Then today, I wrote two different letters to the Director of the Durham VA and another one to several Senators and Representatives. I faxed these letters and mailed them to them. It should not be like this to get care. I am beyond enraged.
I have been flooded with emotions since last Monday. I have flooded with flashbacks, nightmares, been crying every day, multiple times a day. I have pulled away from friends. I do not want to bother any one when I am like this. Tomorrow see therapist and hoping that some how changes the space I am in.
I keep coming back to this, “I did not enlist to be raped. I did not enlist to be retaliated against. I did not enlist to be emotionally abused. I did not enlist to be betrayed, shamed, told that I am nothing. I did not enlist to be abused by an institution. I did not ask to lose my career and watch them protect, promote, abuse me and let him continue to serve and raped others. This constant fight with the VA is no good for me and continues the abuse from when I was raped and all of the other abuse that i have gotten from the chain of command and society. ”
It should not be like this.